FAMILY STRESSOR

The medium stressor that my family has just recently gone through happened just last week. This incident involved Blake, my brother-in-law. I am on Adderall, a medication prescribed for ADD/ADHD. I have been on it forever, and just don’t even think about the fact that some people abuse it. Blake’s main reason for moving to Fort Wayne from Iowa was to leave behind his past. His past, meaning drinking and a lot of other high-risk behaviors. What happened was Hilary and I noticed that the level of pills in our medicine cabinet was dropping rapidly, one morning I finally said something, and we both immediately recognized that Blake had to be stealing them.

1.) Blake’s individual time, or chronological age doesn’t really have much impact on this incident. There was a great disrupt in generational time for Hilary & I because we have been Blake’s main supporters since he moved to Fort Wayne. We have been helping and giving him all the tools he needs to succeed. It made us feel as though our generational time was meaningless. And lastly, the historical time was greatly impacted because these first months of Hilary and I’s marriage as well as Blake moving to Fort Wayne “COULD” always be remembered as the time when Blake stole from me after I did everything for him.

2.) We experienced vertical stressors through this incident. We experienced Blake’s past of drug abuse that lead him to steal the pills. Also, we are experiencing the current situation of Blake getting help for his problems.

3.) We experienced three of the four stages of family crisis. First we experienced the stage of SHOCK. We experienced this when Hilary and I both realized what had happened. We were in denial, and tried to even think of other possibilities that could explain for the missing pills. We really just did not want to accept what had happened. Next we experienced RECOIL when I was extremely hurt and angered by the fact that he stole from me. I took it very personally and was pissed that he disrespected me and everything I had done for him. I honestly realized that I would do anything for him and he took from me. It really angered me, and I realized that Hilary had to be the one to approach him about it because I was too upset to do it. We did not really experience the DEPRESSION stage due to the fact that we didn’t linger on the issue. Hilary talked to him about it halfway through the very day we realized what had happened. We experienced the REORGANIZATION stage when Hilary and I talked about how we were going to deal with this issue. We both said that we were going to explain to him that what he did deeply hurt us, but because we love him and see a lot of power in unconditional love, we would forgive him. We accepted what had happened, and a little less than a week later, Blake approached me, apologized, and we (all three of us) were all able to talk about the issue in-depth to find closure. Hilary and I are deeply rooted in Christ, and we wanted to show Blake the love that Christ shows us. So, the decision to forgive him was automatic. It is amazing how he responded, because he has never really experienced someone reacting that way to him before.

4.) Hilary and I are experiencing LEVEL III strategies of coping. We both firmly believe that Christ calls his people to him. We see a strong movement in Blake, and we trust that He (God/Christ) will continue this movement in him. We have shifted our focus from being on the theft, to the work that God is doing in us (such as softening our hearts and allowing us to truly forgive and forget what happened) as well as in Blake (recognizing that what he did hurt us, but we are choosing to forgive him because of our love for the Lord). This is a very abstract concept to an individual who doesn’t understand Faith and a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, but to us, it is a no-brainer. That doesn’t mean that it is completely simple, but it is very satisfying.

REACTION QUESTION: I looked at Stacy Rhodes stressful situation of her ex-husband (Brian) and his drinking problem. This is a HUGE stressor that has been impacting their family for their whole lives. Brian's drinking problem impacts their individual time in a big way, because when the children were young (ages of 8 & 10) they were first made aware of what was going on. They understood in some fashion that their dad had some kind of problem. As they grew older, the alcoholism continued to impact their individual time because each year they would have added more and more to the stress of the situation. The greater of impact would have come towards their generational time. They no longer had "family time" persay, because their father was so removed with his alcohol problem. Their generational time was marked by dealing with their fathers problem and not having him in their life. One serious historical time would have been when the kids were with Brian in his vehicle when he got his first DUI. This would have marked a big moment where a lot of changes would have had to come into effect. All the different times play a part in shaping the lives of those who are dealing with Brian's alcohol issue. For the kids, who are now 20 and 22, how they deal with their fathers drinking would be much different than when they were younger. When they were younger, they may have just tried to wish away the drinking, and hoped that he would fix himself. Now, Stacy said they are essentially waiting for him to drink himself to death. This is a huge change in psychological mindsets. It is almost like the kids would have to let go of their father's ability to change, in order to just deal with the situation in front of them. Their very difficult generational time, which would have pointed to soo many disappointments would be a huge motivator in this change of mentality.