Parent Interview Project

INTRO:

For this midterm I choose the parent interview project. I interviewed two seemingly different families who turned out to be not so different in the end. First I interviewed my own mother and father, Pat and Dianna Riley. Then, I interviewed my friend’s parents Greg and Tina Doublas.

PAT & DIANNA ‘s BACKGROUND:

My father, Patrick Riley, was born in Marion, Indiana and was raised from the age of five in South Bend, Indiana. He has one brother who is only a couple of years younger than him. He has his Masters degree in secondary education and has been teaching middle school for forty-one years. He still teaches at the age of sixty-three.

My mother, Dianna Riley was born and raised in Bremen, Indiana. She has five sisters and one brother, she is one of the middle children. She has her Bachlors of science in medical technology, but started and ran a catering business in the late 90’s for eleven years. She currently is utilizing her degree at REDI MED.

My parents have two adopted children; myself, 24 and my sister Merideth, 29. My mother was unable to have children, and after many miscarriages decided to adopt. I am married living with my wife and Merideth lives on her own as well. They are an average middle class family with respect to annual income and living conditions.

GREG & TINA’s BACKGROUND:

Greg Doublas was born and raised in city named Kalastra which is in Northern Greece. He lived there until his early twenties when he moved to America. He endured many hardships and saw a lot of changes happening around him after WWII. Greg has one brother and one sister. He has his Bachlors degree in accounting from a university in Chicago, and then received his MBA from St. Francis here in Fort Wayne.

Tina was born and raised in Florina, which is also a city in Northern Greece. She lived there until her late twenties, like Greg, but did not meet him until she moved to Chicago. Her family was impacted really hard by WWII, much like Greg’s. Tina received her Associates degree from a university in Chicago. She has three sisters and one brother still living.

Greg and Tina have two grown sons, Vaughn who is 32 and George, 25 as well as Kieren, 7 years old, who is Vaughn’s daughter which Greg and Tina have legal custody of. They are also an average middle class family with respect to annual income and living conditions.

MY FINDINGS

PAT & DIANNA:

Through these interviews I found that Pat and Dianna looked at the family unit as something that created the core of your support system and both saw unconditional love as having supreme importance. Pat focused more on the hierarchy of positions, and Dianna saw more of a blending approach to where everyone fit. This made sense and painted a picture of a communication system that often took very different forms. Pat explained that he would attempt to be the leader and take the disciplinary role; the book would define this as vertical communication. Dianna allowed for communication to be more equal among the family members, what the book would define as horizontal communication. I could sense a bit of regret with Dianna because of how she talked about my sister, she said under her breath at one point, “no matter how you try to communicate, you can never get it perfect or make decisions for your children.” She was referring to my sister who is living in a homosexual lifestyle.

I was really surprised at how similarly my parents responded to my questions. Both Pat and Dianna view our current living climate as one that is disturbing and heading in the wrong direction. They explained that the more families break away from how they were intended to be, (Father, Mother, and children living under one roof and in each other’s lives) the more dysfunction children would experience in their lives and eventually take into their families, which would eventually impact their culture.

Another thing I found very interesting was how Pat and Dianna spoke about communication. Every time I tried to get a specific definition, they would explain it more as an action than a verbal explanation. Pat even called effective communication, “showing what is important rather than saying it.” Looking back at my growing years, I see this was very much true. And Dianna surprised me by correlating a family to “the great American race, you never know what is going to happen next, you try to enjoy as much as possible, but also go with the flow when you get to the really challenging parts.”

GREG & TINA:

I was really shocked when I interviewed Greg & Tina because I intentionally choose them thinking they would have radically different views and explanations due to their upbringing and cultural differences. This was not the case. With respect to communication, it seemed that it was explained as something of extreme importance, but that something was lost in attempting to do it effectively. At one point, Greg explained that, “it is essential, but can only happen if everyone involved participates.” The book defines this idea as transactional communication, where everyone participates in order to effectively deliver the message, which is done through symbols. Greg, possibly because of his strict parents and Greek culture was always the figure head for the family, and demanded respect. It was not until later in his life that he realized that this was effectively done through sincerely connecting and respecting people.

When I was interviewing Greg and Tina, I felt like they kept realizing disappointments because they had expectations for children’s lives, and their own, which were never met. They also explained that the “stressors” in life were not necessarily the events or mistakes that happened, but it was more of an internal struggle, expectations not being met over time, and possibly happening because they placed too much of their own desires on their children.

CONCLUSION:

To wrap things up, I noticed that struggles and disappointments happened when expectations were not met. I believe that communication within a family is most effective when it is displayed, rather than spoken. And, the lesson I am going to take away from this is that when life throws a curve ball your way; which it probably will in some way, shape, or form, it is best to approach it with a level head and to not get to hysterical.

Family Analysis

1.) POWER BASES: My wife, yes, I chose to say whom I am using, has an autonomic power base. We very much share responsibilities, but in completely different areas. She is in charge of cooking, and dinner. I am in charge of making the vehicles are taken care of and the trash is taken out (she hates taking out the trash). The resources that are used are very much normative in nature. Not only does society kind of point to certain expectations that we both value, but those are actually what are important to us. Now, if we were both influenced by society, or if that is what is actually important to us, I couldn't say for sure. Maybe a little bit of both. Successful use of power is using what she is good at, and using it to positively impact me and my behavior.

2.) Our family is very much conversation oriented. With Hilary and I, as well as both of us with Blake, we always talk things out. If there is an issue, or even a hint of an issue in the eyes of the other family member, the question will always be raised, "is something wrong?" What happens after that question is thrown out is proof that our family is very much conversation oriented. We talk about everything, the good, bad, and ugly. Everything is brought to the metaphorical "table" to be talked about. I find this to be extremely successful because my family does not hold things back, if there is an issue, we will talk it through until all involved feel good about whatever the issue may have been about.

3.) With regard to the McMaster Model of Family Functioning:
Dang, there is a lot here. . . I'll touch on some of these.
- Hil and I both openly talk about our sexual needs, and are very sensitive to what we both need. We communicate openly about them, and when they aren't met, we talk at how we can change something in order to do so. We feel very comfortable with this area.
- When Hil or Blake or myself are acting down, and depressed. Someone else will step in to try and figure out why. Once the issue is brought out into the open, we discuss it and look for a solution or just provide support to let the struggling individual know they are not alone.
- Hil is very supportive of my individual development. She knows I need to follow my passions, and is supporting me while I finish up school. I am doing the same for her; being very sensative of her career path, and what is best for her. I know she won't have much of a future in Fort Wayne with her specific career field, so moving elsewhere is going to probably become a reality. We will both support each other to find the best fit.
- Kinship maintenance: Every Thursday, Hil and I have set aside a "date night." This is a good time for us to have fun and alone with each other. We are very involved with a lot of people in our lives. So, when we set aside a day for just us, it is very special.
- Basic resources. Hil is the bread winner. Simply put, she is providing so that I can finish school, etc.

4. Hil and I are definitely Traditionals. We are extremely satisfied with each other, and we fit all the roles of a happy married couple. This is so true for us because we put Christ first in our marriage and lives.

5.) Hil and I have Validating conflict types. We sometimes do disagree, but we always try to step in the shoes of the other individual. We are sensitive so disagreements don't explode into something that isn't necessary.

6.) Hil and I have open family boundaries. We pretty much have to because of our involvement with Young Life (high school ministry I work for, and Hil volunteers for). Anything can come up, and we are both ready and willing to change our schedules in order to meet that possibility.

REACTION QUESTION:

I looked at Kira Zabolotney’s family. I noticed that Kira’s mom used the affective resource. She used manipulation of her family in order to push her own needs. This is a very frightening use of power, and would not work in my family. It wouldn’t work because we communicate about our issues and whatever individual attempting to use this type of power would be questioned on it almost as soon as it happened.