Parent Interview Project

INTRO:

For this midterm I choose the parent interview project. I interviewed two seemingly different families who turned out to be not so different in the end. First I interviewed my own mother and father, Pat and Dianna Riley. Then, I interviewed my friend’s parents Greg and Tina Doublas.

PAT & DIANNA ‘s BACKGROUND:

My father, Patrick Riley, was born in Marion, Indiana and was raised from the age of five in South Bend, Indiana. He has one brother who is only a couple of years younger than him. He has his Masters degree in secondary education and has been teaching middle school for forty-one years. He still teaches at the age of sixty-three.

My mother, Dianna Riley was born and raised in Bremen, Indiana. She has five sisters and one brother, she is one of the middle children. She has her Bachlors of science in medical technology, but started and ran a catering business in the late 90’s for eleven years. She currently is utilizing her degree at REDI MED.

My parents have two adopted children; myself, 24 and my sister Merideth, 29. My mother was unable to have children, and after many miscarriages decided to adopt. I am married living with my wife and Merideth lives on her own as well. They are an average middle class family with respect to annual income and living conditions.

GREG & TINA’s BACKGROUND:

Greg Doublas was born and raised in city named Kalastra which is in Northern Greece. He lived there until his early twenties when he moved to America. He endured many hardships and saw a lot of changes happening around him after WWII. Greg has one brother and one sister. He has his Bachlors degree in accounting from a university in Chicago, and then received his MBA from St. Francis here in Fort Wayne.

Tina was born and raised in Florina, which is also a city in Northern Greece. She lived there until her late twenties, like Greg, but did not meet him until she moved to Chicago. Her family was impacted really hard by WWII, much like Greg’s. Tina received her Associates degree from a university in Chicago. She has three sisters and one brother still living.

Greg and Tina have two grown sons, Vaughn who is 32 and George, 25 as well as Kieren, 7 years old, who is Vaughn’s daughter which Greg and Tina have legal custody of. They are also an average middle class family with respect to annual income and living conditions.

MY FINDINGS

PAT & DIANNA:

Through these interviews I found that Pat and Dianna looked at the family unit as something that created the core of your support system and both saw unconditional love as having supreme importance. Pat focused more on the hierarchy of positions, and Dianna saw more of a blending approach to where everyone fit. This made sense and painted a picture of a communication system that often took very different forms. Pat explained that he would attempt to be the leader and take the disciplinary role; the book would define this as vertical communication. Dianna allowed for communication to be more equal among the family members, what the book would define as horizontal communication. I could sense a bit of regret with Dianna because of how she talked about my sister, she said under her breath at one point, “no matter how you try to communicate, you can never get it perfect or make decisions for your children.” She was referring to my sister who is living in a homosexual lifestyle.

I was really surprised at how similarly my parents responded to my questions. Both Pat and Dianna view our current living climate as one that is disturbing and heading in the wrong direction. They explained that the more families break away from how they were intended to be, (Father, Mother, and children living under one roof and in each other’s lives) the more dysfunction children would experience in their lives and eventually take into their families, which would eventually impact their culture.

Another thing I found very interesting was how Pat and Dianna spoke about communication. Every time I tried to get a specific definition, they would explain it more as an action than a verbal explanation. Pat even called effective communication, “showing what is important rather than saying it.” Looking back at my growing years, I see this was very much true. And Dianna surprised me by correlating a family to “the great American race, you never know what is going to happen next, you try to enjoy as much as possible, but also go with the flow when you get to the really challenging parts.”

GREG & TINA:

I was really shocked when I interviewed Greg & Tina because I intentionally choose them thinking they would have radically different views and explanations due to their upbringing and cultural differences. This was not the case. With respect to communication, it seemed that it was explained as something of extreme importance, but that something was lost in attempting to do it effectively. At one point, Greg explained that, “it is essential, but can only happen if everyone involved participates.” The book defines this idea as transactional communication, where everyone participates in order to effectively deliver the message, which is done through symbols. Greg, possibly because of his strict parents and Greek culture was always the figure head for the family, and demanded respect. It was not until later in his life that he realized that this was effectively done through sincerely connecting and respecting people.

When I was interviewing Greg and Tina, I felt like they kept realizing disappointments because they had expectations for children’s lives, and their own, which were never met. They also explained that the “stressors” in life were not necessarily the events or mistakes that happened, but it was more of an internal struggle, expectations not being met over time, and possibly happening because they placed too much of their own desires on their children.

CONCLUSION:

To wrap things up, I noticed that struggles and disappointments happened when expectations were not met. I believe that communication within a family is most effective when it is displayed, rather than spoken. And, the lesson I am going to take away from this is that when life throws a curve ball your way; which it probably will in some way, shape, or form, it is best to approach it with a level head and to not get to hysterical.