just read

At times, this lie creeps into my mental frame work and eXplodes through body language, speech, lack of eye contact, etc. I refer to it as a lie because I am mentally and spiritually mature enough to recognize ideas concepts and feelings that do not have a justifiable foundation to them. But, this lie that occasionally creeps into my existence fills me with insecurities. Insecurities that tell me I am not working hard enough, that I am not smart enough, that I am not where I ought to be with God. Also, usually when these feelings arise the old saying, “When it rains, it pours” seems to be especially true. I want nothing more than to be a man of God. I want to be known as a man of God who has a plan; and feels confident in following through with that plan. My experience though, shows me that life will not simply allow you to walk down her halls of circumstantial dizziness without kicking while you are down once, twice, or maybe a dozen times when you are at your weakest point. In a nutshell, that was today. Yes, I learned lessons, and did my best to keep the communication with God first and foremost. But, I lost a couple battles; battles to control my anger, battles to control my tongue, and battles to keep my own self-regard in a high and positive place our of the reach of the deceiver.

I know these feelings are not right, because I know God is not holding a magnifying glass to my life squinting his eyes in displeasure waiting to smite me for my stupidity. I understand Grace, and know full well that he is giving it to me in abundance on a daily basis. But still, at times these feelings overwhelm me and leave me feeling low. The feelings of inadequacy stem from my deep desire to do well, I mean really succeed in all things school, Young Life, relational, etc. When I see myself deviate from my initial goals, I get really hard on myself. I mean it, I really look at myself as a failure, even with things that are not a big deal. I have trouble giving myself grace sometimes. Just to give you a little insight. I didn't study my Spanish homework tonight, because every time I try to study Spanish on my own, I feel so incredibly worthless, I almost can't put words to it. I embarrasse myself, and I feel completely inadequate. I friggin hate that feeling, so I just avoided it. Now, I am getting a tutor tomorrow. But still, that was just an example.

If you are saying, "dang Mikey, your days don't usually end on this sad of a point, is that all there is?" Well it's not. And there was a huge point of reassurance. I am honored to say that point came through my dad. After seeing my frustration manifest itself through tensed up body language, inward talk (rackin frackin etc.), and just a low demanor. My dad asked me, right as dinner was being prepared. "Hey, you wanna go for a walk?" I said, "Yes." It was soo good. Now, he did not say anything that was so deep that it gave me a new perspective on looking at life and my place in it. He did not offer me advice that enlightened me to see things a new way. He didn't need to. He assured me that things were going to be okay, and lifted me up. He encouraged me that I am more than able and that God doesn't put us in situations we can't handle. I left that walk feeling a whole heck of a lot better. He assured me about Janice & I, and just let me know things were gonna be okay. Doesn't mean that the confusion is gone, but it does mean that my dad is a real man; that he loves his son, and boy do I appreciate him a whole hell of a lot.

the truth will set you free

Today was great. Well, I guess the early part of the day was not so great. I guess I forgot during my time in Arizona how much I hate to study subjects that just really suck. I am referring to Applied Leadership & Spanish. And maybe "suck" is too strong of an adjective, possibly too negative too. I will now choose to use the word ....subjects that are "super challenging and out of the norm," to replace suck. That sounds better now. You might think, "Well, I bet if he is complaining so much about studying, he probably at least got a lot done." You would be wrong. It is amazing how much I do not get accomplished when I "study."

I got to go back to Dave Church today!!! It felt so good to be back there with those guys. And at a new location. It is amazing to see what God is doing. I also got to take two high school friends with me. Adam and his friend John. I took Adam to camp in North Carolina, and he decided to invite his friend to Dave church tonight. It was good, they may have felt slightly uncomfortable, but I still say it was good.

Dave church is so refreshing to me because it is so genuine. We all really love each other. We all really love the Lord. When you put those two things together, well it is just real good. And I have missed hearing Dave talk. I love taking notes on what the Lord has been teaching or prompting him in. I love reading back on those notes after some time and saying, "ohh yeah," all over again.

Ya know that expression, "take time to stop and smell the roses?" Well, today I didn't smell any roses, but I did take time to look at the sky. The sky was so beautiful today. I think I was on my way to go pick up Adam and his friend when I took this picture.

The sky was so darn beautiful today. I couldn't help but admire it in all it's splender. The clouds just went on and on and on. This is an Indiana sky, through and through. When I saw it, I thought to myself, "Man I wish Janice could be here enjoying it with me." We both love looking at the sky. Maybe we are both day dreamers. Whatever it is, I sure wish she could have been here to enjoy it with me.


After I got home from Dave Church (Lifelight Ministries), I talked on the phone with Janice. Then we got on SKYPE together. Okay, what I am about to say is going to be full with confusion. For you, the reader anyways. But, just try to sift through it as best as you can. Janice and I, well we both love each other. And relationships are challenging. Sometimes those challenges are built/created before two people even meet each other. That is the case for Janice and I. There are some things that are difficult to hear, mostly because I am sissy when it comes to certain topics. BUT, God keeps prompting me to not avoid a paticular topic, and to embrace it head on with love and compassion. So, that is what I did, and boy am I glad I did. I prayed and prayed and prayed about God doing something in my heart that gave me a different outlook on a specific topic. That I could have His eyes, and His heart. He did just that and more. Not only was it relatively easy for me to listen to Janice. As she spoke, I just "KNEW" that much more that she is supposed to be in my life. What a good feeling. What an amazing, grace filled feeling.


Our converation got cut short, but we will pick up tomorrow where we left off. I love that girl though, I mean I really love her. I love her and I am just so happy to be able to walk through life with her (emotionally & spiritually of course). Some day I will be there physically. . . some day


To end the night, I went and saw District 9 with George. Now, I would not take Janice to see this movie, but we both really enjoyed it. Because we are a couple of nerds.

I took more pictures, but I don't feel like uploading any more. It was a supid plot, but we laughed and enjoyed it for what it was. A "Dude flick." And i'm okay with that.

Janice, I love you. I am so glad you are in my life. You are a blessing to me in more ways than you can understand. I am excited to see what God is going to do in our relationship. Hang in there and know that I am praying for ya all the time. You are constantly on my mind, and I really want to honor God in our relationship. You're the best, and I really hope you enjoyed Dimitri Martin tonight.

G'Night all!

Simply Saturday

This candle caused me some headache today. It was my own fault, but still a headache. I was not watching it very closely while I was studying, and it overflowed all over my that wood thing it sits on. Anyways, even though it did that, I cleaned it up and lit it again. And well, I am going to be perfectly honest with you. That candle is singlehandandly the biggest reason why my room smells so delightful. I just thought I would share that with you.

I guess it depends on what you definition of simple is. I did not have to think things through too much. It came pretty natural what I would do. I studied (it takes me a whole day of studying to accomplish next to nothing. . . darn distractions) again, for what seemed like an eternity. Then I got a text message from Ryan Pelton, friend and fellow Young Life leader informing me that he would be leading a worship time at some church in Fort Wayne. Well, I texted some of the Young Life guys I took to camp to see if they would like to go. One said YES. So we went.

The worship time was amazing. There was dancing, and shouting. People laid on the floor, and sincerely took whatever stance they felt comfortable taking. It was a powerful time with God. A time that felt completely and unavoidably wonderful. I am so glad I got to experience it with Adam (Young Life friend). I am so glad he got to see what I love so much. I feel so at home in a worship time. The challenge is taking that "worship" feeling out of the safety of that room, and bringing it to the average man and woman on the street. The challenging part is bringing that love and joy into a circumstance that seems joyless. Well the challenge is on, and I want to try to do this one to the best of my ability. Dang do I ever. I couldn't help but think tonight, "Man, I really super wish that Janice was with me. I wish she could experience this with me." I even said that to God in prayer. But the resounding answer was that she needs to find that Joy in and through Christ on her own. And for some reason I felt extremely comforted by it. I know she loves the lord, but I can't bring these specific experiences to her. She must first want them, and must have that desire to seek them out in her own life. I just love her and want her to expedience it with me NOW!! That is not how God has it set up though. Not now anyways. And I am just gonna have to be okay with that.

There was one line during a specific song that really hit me.

"In my life, be lifted high"

"In our world, be lifted high"

"In our love, be lifted high"

I can't think of anything I want more than for God to be lifted high in all those things. I lose sight of what is most important so often though. How can I forget so easily what is so important? There is nothing more important. NOTHING! Not family, not jobs, not school, not friends, not success, not desires. He must be lifted high in all things. It is the never ending challenge of dying to myself every single day. With the help of my savior, friend, and counselor, I can do it. I will not fear, for He is with me.

I made a decision today.

Sometimes you have to choose a path, and walk confidently down it. I came to that point. Do you think you can walk confidently and doubtful at the same time? Ehh, I already answered that question.

I have been feeling extremely stressed and uncomfortable about this semester. Mostly, because I have so so so much on my plate. Well, I figured it out. In order for me to be able to do my best in school, and to be able to put my all into Young Life. School is going to have to budge. I have decided to drop my COM 300 class and will just take it at a later time. Maybe I can take it this summer. I don't know. So, I will be dropping from 16 credit hours to 13. I don't like it, and it is not the perfect scenerio, but it is the one I have decided on.

One last thing. I told my parents today, "I really miss Janice." They kind of nodded their heads and said, "Well, yea I would imagine so." I feel incomplete without her. Like a tree standing alone in a vast desert.

Now I believe with all my heart that God has placed this large space of time and distance inbetween us. I trust in Him completely, knowing that it must be what is best, and even able to see many of the Pro's in a long distance relationship. BUT, that doesn't make it suck any less on a day to day basis. Thank goodness for SKYPE, cell phones, and other technology that makes the distance not seem so far.

I'm super tired, I am going to wake up tomorrow, and read read read!

G'Night!

LOVE YOU JANICE!

¡Concentración de NO!

I know I should be doing work. But seriously, that is all I do. But, perhaps I should stop complaining. Perhaps I should consider how lucky I am that I get to go to a University. Perhaps I should stop being such a big baby and just do well. I mean I only have x years left of this. When all the schooling is over, I am gonna wish I was back in it.

Well look at that, I just completely turned my train of thought around. Thanks BLOG commenter, you left an impact. I still hate Geology though. . .

Today was real good. Real good I say. Every day I find new and unique ways to challenge myself in Christ. Not only for my own personal and Spiritual benefit, but for Janice as well. I am constantly bouncing my eyes off what they ought to be looking at, and really trying super hard to love everyone I come in contact with, no matter how abrasive their personality might be.

Today my day started off early; super early. It was just like any day last year. Ya see I was a SUB at one of the YMCA childcare locations. Today it was Arlington Elementary. Which reminds me, I need to E-Mail Angie my hours. Anywho, it felt good to be back with the little ones. BUT, I am sure glad I don't have to do that every morning. Super glad. So I really love my Religion & Culture class. Part of the reason is possibly because of the dynamics of the class. Everyone chose to be in there, so there are very open minded and intellegent converations. Also. . . Every time you want to talk, you have to press this microphone button. You have to do this because there is a class about 1.5 hours away in a room listening and participating electronically through a classroom set up just like ours. It's really cool. I already have a connection with the class on the other end of the screen because I got to class early and just started talking to them. We talked about how I was growing out my beard, and other things. It's really fun, and the atmosphere is super relaxed and respectful. People from all walks of life are there, but not to pounce on each other; just to learn. I really like the academic approach to "religion," not so much Christianity, but "Religion." Every time I am in that class, my definition for Religion gets tweaked a little bit.

Okay, seriously, I need to finish reading.

hasta mañana.

crazy stressful; kind of

Okay, I started my day off with 2 hours of sleep. I stayed up till about 4:30am on the phone with an HP tech person trying to help me with my computer. I got the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH! Just in case you do not know what I am referring to, well, simply take a look at the picture below. I was not happy to see this screen. Especially on my brand new $700.oo laptop. Needless to say, this is where the frustration began. Now, before I spent what seemed like endless hours on the phone with an individual from India, my mother gave me a line of advice. "Why don't you call Best Buy and see if they can help?" I quickly dismissed her advice out of frustration, and me thinking that I knew better. Long story short, I ended up calling Best Buy, they told me to bring it in, and all was made well. I had to drive all over tim buck two and back, but all is well now. The day went on to further frustration because everything just seemed to go wrong. This didn't work out, that broke, this hurt my finger, she gave me a dirty look for no reason, and so on and so fourth. I was definately being tested, and for the most part, I felt I did pretty good keeping my cool.Check out this hallway in the basement of Ketler. For some reason, it kind of creeps me out. I feel like a giant in it, because the ceiling's are kind of low. It just seems to go on and on and on too.

I need to go to bed now. I am substituting for YMCA childcare at a location tomorrow morning before I go to school. So, I need to go to bed, cuz I gots to get up REAL EARLY, just like last year.

something new

Okay, so I decided to try something different. I decided to utilize my computer's capabilities and I made a little video update. It is straight forward information on my semester thus far, but with a little twist of entertaining endeavors.
I think I am going to do this more often than not. This was fun to make, and I feel it get's the message across in a way that is more fun than just reading.

And NO, I did not dress up as a clown towards the end. It was actually a computer creation, I know, hard to believe.

School is in full session. BUT, I am still making time for what is most important.I have been reading 1 Samuel, and loving it. David is just about to kill Goliath in Chapter 17. That will be read tomorrow morning, and I am really looking forward to it. I was telling Janice that the verse I took from today's reading was 1 Samuel 16:7-> "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." I really liked this because it paints yet again a great picture for me of God. He is not on my level as far as holiness goes. Or even mental understanding. He is so above, so perfect, that I am so luck to just be able to call him my Father. But because of Grace, it sure doesn't stop there.

In the morning, I challenge myself with Scripture first thing, and I make my bed as soon as I roll out of it. I need more discipline in my life, and I thought the "bed making" would be one good way to enact some of it. And plus, my bed looks good when it is made.

Any hoo, G'Night!

I know it's long past time. . .

I know that I am long past due for an update and an explanation. The fact of the matter is that I have been extremely distracted, preoccupied, and well to put it to you straight busy with more important things. Janice, the woman who has come into my life has been with me these past six days, and they have been wonderful. I feel like wonderful does not give proper justification to how great it has been. I have learned so much these past six days. First, allow me to share some pictures and then I will jump into what is on my heart.I got to show her around my university campus.I had the opportunity to take her on a trip down my past. I took her to all the places I have lived, gone to school, and well just important places in my life. Places that have formed me to be who I am; including experiences and situations that I could really do justice by explaining right on location.

I got to dress up with her and take her to a very fancy restaurant. After dinner, I got to take her to Jefferson Pointe (outside mall) walk around with her and eventually see a chick flick (500 first dates). I got to take her to a nice little place downtown called Pint & Slice so I could introduce her to my sister Merideth. It was really wonderful. I got to introduce her to George. As well as many of my parents friends, at a bonfire/weenie roast in our backyard. Okay, heart time. So these six days that Janice has been in Indiana, well they have been so extremely wonderful. The more that time goes by, the more it is solidified that Janice is undoubtedly supposed to be in my life. When I look into her eyes, I see someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Strong words? Yes, I would say they are, but I have given them much thought and feel extremely comfortable saying them.

I want to also say that it is officially official. Janice Hernandez is my girlfriend. It’s true, and pretty darn exciting.

Also, L-U-S-T is a very powerful emotion. One that Janice and I must be ever so careful to avoid and be watchful for at all times. We are going to be in a long distance relationship, and to us that means we have lots of time to continue to strengthen our relationship with God, who must be the pinnacle of our bond if it is to be pleasing (to God) and worthwhile. I would say that the fact that Janice and I are going to embark on this long distance relationship is both a good and bad thing. It is good because it will challenge us both to love each other in ways other than the physical. It will show us and teach us that there is much more to a relationship than touch. Also, it is good because that day to day comfort that we will not be able to provide each other with must be found in GOD!

It is a bad thing because we live 2,196 miles apart and that can be really difficult at times. The distance is a thorny subject because for two individuals who are extremely physical, well it is just so new it can be overwhelming. I took her to the airport in Indianapolis today. It was the most horrible thing ever; saying goodbye, knowing it may very well be months before we hold each other again.

BUT! Fear not, for God is with us, and must be made first. We both accept and trust in HIM. Knowing that he has brought us both this far, and will continue to do a great work in us for our own good.

I start school tomorrow. AHHHHH!!!!

God bless, thanks for reading, G’Night!

Baseball Game and others

I would love to start off by saying that I am enjoying my time with Janice immensely. It is amazing how much we just mesh together. We really complement each other so well, it is unbelievable. True, we live 2,196 miles apart, but when we are together, the sparks fly! I'd also like to say that this BLOG is being BLOGGED from my NEW COMPUTER!! Yes, that's right I got a new laptop. It is an HP and it is quite wonderful.It is so wonderful having a computer that is dependable and that works way beyond what you actually need it to! :o) Truly, this will make school so much easier as well. Okay, so now on to my day. My parents and I took Janice out to the local baseball stadium for a good ole game.We had a wonderful time, mostly; well because we were with each other. We are such a good team. In all ways, we complement each other. I can not express enough how absolutely blessed I am to have her in my life. I see a long term relationship here. It is sweet too because she is becoming my best friend. I know it usually goes the other way around, ya know, become best friends then boy friend/girl friend. But it happened this way and I am perfectly okay with it.

I am excited for tomorrow because I am taking her on a walk through my life. Starting at the house I first lived in, to the current situation. It will be neat to show her first hand what made me me!

Janice has arrived!

Janice has arrived!! Let me tell you what a blessing it has been to me. The fact that Janice stands before me in INDIANA is testament to how good of a God we serve. This isn't some irony, this is the next step forward in our lives and the love that is between us. God will continue to challenge us in the field of purity and self-control, but she constantly reminds me & vice versa that God honors that obediance in a big way, and we are both comforted by that. I am so thankful to have Janice in Indiana, but more so in MY LIFE!!! I love this girl, I really do. I love Christ in her more than anything too.

-Grace&Peace

The Journey Home

I am sitting in the Phoenix airport right now waiting for my flight to leave. I just had the most amazing experience just a little bit ago. It is 7:33pm right now, and my flight left Flagstaff to go to Phoenix at 4:35pm (it's a 45 minute flight). Well, if you remember the last time I went to the Flagstaff airport, I had a bit of a problem which turned into a huge blessing. The flight got canceled, but a stranger came up to me and offered to drive me (DIVINE APPOINTMENT). It was a really neat experience where I got to meet a super nice man named Billy. Well, I was waiting in Flagstaff for my plane to leave and a guy walks up to me. IT WAS BILLY!!! He said, "Mikey?" I was like, "Nooo way man!" He asked me if I hang out at the airport all the time, I told him that it was the first time I had been there since he gave me a ride. He said that was the same for him too. Hummmm, smells like another non-coincidental appointment, but you can think what you want. So anyways, we get to Phoenix and I waited for him to get off the plane. We had small talk for a while, and I asked if he wanted to go get something to eat. He said, "sure" and ended up buying my dinner. Often my BLOG pictures are not super high quality, well mostly because they are candid shots. Here, maybe this picture is better.Anyways, so Billy may think otherwise, but I believe fully that this was another DIVINE APPOINTMENT. I am sitting in the airport like I said, and I just shared this story with the guy sitting next to me. In fact, if he has really good eyes, he could read that I am typing about him and just acting like he isn't reading it. But, I don't think he is paying attention.

On another note, I GET TO SEE JANICE REAL SOON!!!! I am so excited, and have been for the past month. It is going to be so good. I can't wait for her to see my life, and meet my family, and just get to hold her. It's gonna be real good.

I think I am going to go and find out what is going on with my FLIGHT, so I am gonna get off of here. PEACE EASY!!!

One last thing. God is good. God is soo extremely good. He is good when times are awesome, and he is good when times suck. God is constant, and never failing. It is the world, and men that fail, God never does, never has, and never will. My life is devoted to serving Him, and making it known where my strength comes from.

last time INTERNS

The officially official last Intern get together time. We ate, we drank (a little) and we enjoyed each others company for one last time.

-Grace&Peace

Last intern time

Will update later, I promise.

-Grace&Peace

bon fire

Today we did a little of this and a little of that, we didn't really do a whole lot. But, we did make a huge BON FIRE for one of the church groups. I mean it was a doosey. I saw when one of the guest services people lit it and it had 15-20 foot flames on it.

God is so active in this camp and in my life. I serve the greatest force in the world. I serve the God who created the Heavens and the Earth. I am proud to be a follower of Christ.

I've been reading 1 Samuel, and it is soo good. Saul just became King, and I am just starting to see how prideful he will be. There is a lot to learn from this book. And i'm going to learn as much as I can.

-G'night & thanks for reading!

Wet Beaver

No, it is not some kind of dirty BLOG post title to get your attention. It is the location we (Caitlin, Andre, Logan, Mike, Nate, Bret, and Jon Offner) went to today to have fun and jump off cliff's. I will not need to do a lot of explaining, well, because the pictures do most of that for me. It was an hour and fifteen minute hike in, an hour and a half drive there, and an hour and fifteen minute hike out. It was, well look for yourself. It was such a good time. We are really soaking up the good times here in our last days at Lost Canyon. I am gonna miss these Interns, and I am going to miss our adventures. I am ready to go home though, and I am even more ready to see Janice. I can't wait to have you in my arms. 5 days left, but by the time most people read this BLOG, there will only be 4 days!!!!

mets vs dbacks and hanging with the coolest person ever brett freaking abraham after the car broke down

-Grace&Peace

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satisfaction

So I thought I would start out this BLOG with a little video that I like to referr to as SATISFACTION. Now, I hope it brings much satisfaction to you and your viewing eyes.

LUKE & the Matrix

THE PICTURES FROM YESTERDAY'S POST ARE UP!! CHECK IT OUT

For lunch today, we had a salad buffet. It was so good. I have not had healthy choice food in a long long long time.
My day started off with me babysitting LUKE! Luke is the son of one of the ladies in the main office of camp. I love little kids, and especially Luke. He is a great little boy. 3 years old, and just a blast to hang out with. Very well behaved.

We went to a swap meet.It was pretty sweet actually. If I had some money to waste, I would totally get some rad knives and such.

I am enjoying my day off, and will continue to do so. When all the other interns went into Flagstaff, I stayed and watched The Matrix. I borrowed it from the lady whom I babysat for. I love the Matrix, and when I watch it now, I get a little bit teary eyed because I see a powerful message of Christ and Faith in something much higher than yourself. It is pretty sweet. GO NEO, DO YOUR THING!! I went back to Ryan's office and started watching episodes of MacGyver off the internet. BUT, I think the internet is just too slow here, it gets about half way through an episode and gets extremely choppy.

P.S. I am reading through 1 Samuel and it is a pretty awesome book. So many awesome and life applicable lessons in it.

MAX BAPTIZED!!

The day started out real good. Working hard, and looking like a thug (SARCASM) all day long.

Today was a huge day for me and Max. I got to be a part of something so amazing, I just am still blown away at what God has allowed me to get to be a part of. During the first month (session 1) of camp, I got the honor to meet a young man named Max Williams.Max is all the way to the left. Max has an awesome story of how God brought him to Lost Canyon. Which eventually ended up in him being able to come and volunteer for 2 months here with us. Max has a very similar story to mine. One filled with all sorts of debauchery. Max found comfort in my testimony because he related to it so much. I sort of took him under my wing, and kept close to him. Just loving him right where he was at. But at the same time, in absolute marvel at what God was doing in his life. It showed in a BIG BIG way. Well, the second week of this session, we were coming out of our morning Bible study and I put my arm around Max and told him how proud of him I was. Max sort of looked down toward the ground and I could tell the gears were spinning in his head. He said to me, "Hey man, there is something I want to tell you." I was like, "Okay, what is it?" Max replied, "Well, ever since the end of first session, I have wanted to get Baptized, and I want to get baptized at the end of this session after the campers go home." I was so excited, but before I could really express it, Max said, "Well, I want you to baptize me. You have had such a huge impact on me, and I don't think I would have sincerely made a commitment to Christ if you wouldn't have been here this summer." I was blown away. I mean, tears welling up because of how grateful I was towards God for allowing me to be a part of something so beautiful. SO, in front of a crowd of about 55 or so people, maybe more. I held a very short ceremony. I talked about the growth that has taken place in Max and about how the community is what builds up a person to want to do something like this. It was really awesome when I got to say to Max's face in front of all those people how proud of him I was. It was truly amazing. So, Ryan and I took him in the lake, and before you know it, OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW! 2 Corinthians 5:17 stands so true for max!! See that smile? That is a Holy Spirit smile if I have ever seen one. It was a really good thing. A really, really, really good thing. I have a feeling that this won't be the last time I baptize someone. It sure felt right. It was all about Max, but I felt it really affirmed my purpose as well.