This is TOO GOOD!!

Dude, wait how many hours?!?!

Okay, so i am a lil sore. Not gonna lie. I worked from 11p.m. yesterday evening to 2:15p.m. this afternoon. I can't even do the math, but i know it is hella hours. I am tired, sore, and cranky. It's time for mikey to take a nap. These pictures are of me back at the shop after the insanity had finally ended.

p.s. Steph, You are one rockin chick.

frustration building....

Okay, So i just walked downstairs to mention to my parents that i am interested in going to g 3 day music festival near Palm Springs,CA. Didn't even have a chance to say anything about it when my mom says, FORGET ABOUT IT! :+o are you serious woman? This is so frustrating, cuz i shouldn't be living with my parents. I love my parents to death, i do i really do. I LOVE THEM! I would kill to protect my parents, I love them with an unconditional love that can only be tought by years of loving me. BUT, we see life, living, breathing, everything on such a totally different level. By the way, here is a link to the Festival. WOW! This thing is a once in a life time opportunity. Not only that, but RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE!! isn't even together, hasn't been for years. I would go to see them alone!!!!! How does my mother think she has the right to just dismiss something like that? Am i over reacting or do i have a right to be angry/frustrated here? Honestly, if i was living on my own, I would be experiencing so many amazing things. I wouldn't ever second guess myself. With my parents on me and involved with every aspect of my life, i feel like i am still a little kid. Mommy and daddy still making decisions for mikey.

I need some feedback on this one. Stormi, i really like your opinion. U too Lucy Brown!!

p.s. you don't have to sign in/have an account to paste comments.

So frustrating, Why wouldn't she at least say, well that sounds pretty interesting. I mean, she could have blown me off, and i wouldn't be anywhere as wound up as i am right now.

p.s.s. I have to be at work tonight at 11p.m. Fun Fun FUn! prolly work till 3 or 4 in da morning. LATERS!

2 words causing aghast out the wazooo!!!

OK, so i know i don't have a bad situation. In fact, it's quite good. I pretty much have the whole upstairs of my parents house to my-self. So, I know it really shouldn't bother me, but it does like crazy! When I hear my mom yell, "SUPPER'S READY!!" I swear my heart drops into my stomach. It is so frustrating because I am 20 years old, if i didn't have Multiple Sclerosis, I would NOT be living at home. Every part of me wishes i could be elsewhere. Now, sense i have said that, i must describe my home and parents. My parents are the most loving, patient, and caring human beings that I could have ever asked for. But the fact of the matter is, I need to be "free" I need to be on my own, making my own food, cleaning my own clothes. I need this Stem Cell Transplant to work. Birdy desperately wants to fly away from the nest. Not because the nest is bad. But because he "needs" to. But, I can be comfortable in the fact that God knows the desires of my heart. I don't need to worry about pushing anything. I am right where I need to be, until he makes it painfully obvious. As hard as it is for me to swallow that. "Gulp," I can.

Love, what is it really?

Love.....I think I am starting to understand the concept. I definately havn't gotten it yet, but I think I am getting a little bit closer. I was looking at a picture of someone I loved at a young age. The reason I know I was in love with this person is because every time I look at her, I get a grinding feeling in my stomach. Almost a piercing feeling caused by regret. Maybe I regret how I treated her. Maybe I regret not holding onto her. Maybe I regret ever meeting her, cuz then I wouldn't have to have felt these feelings. I dunno, love is crazy like that. But I know God has all our crazy emotions on "lock down." No matter how confused we get, or how much we regret actions of our past. God is always looking out for our best interest. I have noticed, every time I deny myself something Sinful i feel i want. I am blessed by it. I will give you an example. When I am super stressed out, and feel I have lost control of everything. I WANNA SMOKE A JOINT!!! But, when I ignor that urge, God finds the most amazing ways to send blessings my way. It's awesome. I love, loving God.



P.S. This girl I speak of is probably the most beautiful creature I have ever know personally. Blonde hair, hazel eyes. Amazing heart, and mind. Every time i come in contact with her now, i always feel like a little kid again. Don't know what to say, or how to say it.







M/S UPDATE:

I finally have some super positive news concerning my M/S jazz. God has lead me to someone who i believe will come in really handy. His Name is Todd Jacob, he was 24 when he went through the same exact stem cell transplant. He was on his fathers insurance.....guess what insurance his dad had? ANTHEM BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD! Same as me! He went through all the stuff i am going through. He is going to help me. :-O Isn't that pretty friggin ironic? Yea, I didn't think so either. God is too good. Honestly, I deserve none of this, yet, He keeps dishin out so much good to me. LOVE IT!! I just want to make others happy, Can you go to college for that? Happy college? Where you are trained in the fine art of making people happy? I wanna go there.

EMOtioNS are SuCh a SCarY thriLL ride SOmetIMes.

So, the picture above is of my friend Steph. Stephanie took me to the movies tonight. The reason I say she took me is cuz i still have no license. So, she was the responsible driver. Isn't she beautiful? And smart too. This girl has a bright future. Forshizzle. Anyways, we saw Casino Royal. pretty good. After the movie i went home and did some fundraising. It was great, my friends are becoming more and more active as time passes. It is really exciting, and what a "spirit booster."

So, after some lil fundraising i was thinking of how i could really draw in some cash. BAM! I thought of Starbucks. Then i thought of my friend Clint who works at one of the Starbucks in Fort Wayne. Just so happens tonight was the night that Starbucks was opening their newest store. Right outside of Fort Wayne, in a little town called Auburn. Well, God was definately with me, and i got introduced to a lady named Pam Kessie. Pam is the Dristrict Manager of Starbucks. Wow, I told her my story, and what was going on right now. She loved it. Not only did she love it, she even seemed a little excited. So, this is what is happening. She has invited me to a meeting on Feb. 15th. I believe all the managers from all 8 starbucks locations in fort wayne will be there. She said she will introduce me, and on that date, i will have a sheet with a selection of ideas for fundraising. I am really excited! I see good things coming my way in the future from starbucks.

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Okay, now about the emotional roller coaster. My best friend. We will call him xavior. lets call him Xavior Demmand. like a week and a half ago we went out to wings on a Monday. We talked about a lot of stuff. I thought everything was cool. When we get together, it is verbal free time. Meaning, you say whats on your heart. Well, Xavior has a lot on his heart right now. He has a lot of shitty circumstances also. Lemme give you a little background information on Xavior. I would die for him in a heartbeat. I have more respect for this man, then is probably healthy. But, It seems like on that monday we conversed, i must of done something horribly wrong. So, what happens? Time goes by, a week goes by. I am calling Xavior every day. on his cell, at his house, voicemail after voicemail after voicemail. I am getting worried. I call his friends, I have to get his friends to tell me whats up with him. Now, this is my best friend sense i could pee straight. He wouldn't call me back. Or even attempt at getting in touch with me. So, he goes to my one of my other friends houses, and i call the other friend. I get them to give Xavior the phone. I finally say.... So what the hell is goin on? pretty much, he told me i made him feel like shit the last time we talked. He told me i was being very demeining. And that i was talking "down" to him the whole time. WOW! it came completely out of Left Field...... I got that feeling in my chest that you get, like.....ohh i know. When you have a crush on a girl for a long long time. You get the balls to go up to her and tell her, and you see some guy you really hate kiss her, and grab her ass. Your heart like gets shreaded up. Thats how i felt. I didn't know what to do or say.

Moving Right Along

It's amazing how God places the most perfect people in your life, and the most perfect times. Sometimes, you get people in your life, you never thought you would ever want to have in your life. So, Today was pretty cool. I talked to someone from News Sentinental, i am hoping i will hear back from her tomorrow. If not, i will call again. I made money today. All is well.

Anyways, more Good news. My homepage is up and running on the NTAF website.

http://www.transplantfund.org/Restricted/patient-detail.cfm?pat_id=1839&CFID=4804253&CFTOKEN=17223402

Check it out, then Sign the "Guestbook!"