What is it about pOEms?

There is something about poems that make describing emotions, people, fears and life so much easier. Easier than just talking normally. I like poems that rhyme, they seem a lot more intellectual than ones that don’t. I’m sure “real” writers could find a great amount of reasons why that isn’t true, but to me, I prefer rhyming poems than not. I wrote a poem for Lauren tonight. It proved to be quite difficult because I had to pick and choose what I wanted to enlighten her about. I wanted to describe some beginning emotions without going overboard. I think it turned out pretty good, but I can’t share it on here. I sent it to her privately.

Young Life was good tonight. It was not a big deal at all, but I felt a little left out. After the leaders and staff have dinner, Tom & Josh(YL Staff) go over the evening’s activities. They would go over everyone’s role, and I kept feeling left out. For instance, they did little skits that the leaders acted out. At one point, Tom was sitting right across from me and he was like, “ohhh we just need one more person for this part”…….. looked right at me, and then chose one of the other guys. I don’t know if I just need to speak up more, and say out right, INCLUDE ME. Or if I just need to let more time go by and allow the staff to see how much I want to be included by my actions and interactions with the kids. I suppose time really will tell.

When I got home from Young Life, I had a great phone conversation. I feel comfortable saying that Lauren and I definitely are interested in each other. But one thing that is important to me, is to wait. There is no hurry, and in past relationships, when I tended to rush into things, they failed miserably. This is what I need to do. Trust that God is in control of all things, RELATIONSHIPS INCLUDED, and just be a man of God. I have a feeling, that if I practice this, well things will just fall into place.

Golley Gee I am ready to get my butt back to work. I can’t wait for Monday to stroll around. I am so ready for some kind of challenge. I have nothing right now. Going to feel nice to be back in the “GRIND” of work again.

THE WIRES ARE EVERYWHERE!

I got my EEG done today. I tried so hard to stay awake all night, but couldn't do it. I blame it on VERIZON! My internet went out at 10:50P.M. and I was stuck for the rest of the evening laying on the couch watching T.V.! It was failure from the get go. I made it to about 3:00A.M. and then retired to the bed. I woke up at 7 to make up for the sleep I got. :-) There were so many wires. I learned that an EKG is used to test your heart, and an EEG is used to test your brain. Gotta love learning new stuff. This picture makes my skin tone look a little orange. I swear it's not though.

I have cool socks. They use to be really cool when they were brand new, now they are just pretty cool. Some of the colors are fading now, and I will probably get new ones sometime in the near future.

In the evening I went out to eat with my dad, and it was nice. Conversation wasn't jumping, but it was alright. Later I got a chance to make Lauren laugh when she took a break from writing her paper. I was happy to do it, even though I looked like a tard again. HA, it's what I do.

It will be interesting to see what happens with the EEG. When I had to do deep breathing for 3 minutes, I almost passed out. I saw stars for a bit, so hopefully it will tell the neurologist something important. Seeing stars in my peripheral vision has been happening for maybe 4 weeks or so.

accomplishments.

Sometimes random thoughts pop into my head; seemingly out of no where. This happened today when I was working out….well, I guess I could have heard it in a song I was listening to, but I don’t remember that being the case. I am pretty sure it just came out of no where.

What is my greatest accomplishment? Hummmm, this plagued me because I consider myself having many accomplishments. It’s not bragging either; I have just been blessed with having experienced many things. I consider many of them accomplishments. BUT, what is the greatest? I had to ask a bunch of friends to get a better appreciation on what’s important. These are some of the amazing and heart hitting answers I got.

Lauren Perigo said, "Probably have to say the school I have paid for and completed thus far."

Alex Ehle said, "Celebrating life."

Holly Eggelston said, "Starting an equestrian team at her college."

My sisters roommate, Traci Benett said, "Going to school and starting her career."

Tyler Morningstar said, “I think it’s living my faith. It’s an on going accomplishment.”

My sister Merideth said, "Being able to be friends with mom."

My friend Derek Dailey said, "The greatest accomplishments in his life are the ones no one else see's. They are the ones that are spiritual, emotional and psychological."

My friend Eric Leber said, "I guess I always considered my accomplishments to be nothing more than circumstantial so ideally my greatest actual accomplishment will come in the future.

My friend Erin Murphy said, "Being with my mother while she's sick. It's a very humbling and life changing experience to watch the closest person in your life slowly fading away.

My best friend Jared said his greatest was, "being the best at Blades of Glory!" (video game)

After I put some thought into it, and looked at my life. And thought about the accomplishments of others and thought about where I was, and where I am now. I have to say that my greatest accomplishment is loving people. I use to be very selective in who I chose to give my love to. It still manages to be a struggle at times for me, but I do consider it my greatest accomplishment as of yet. A lady named Carolyn Arends wrote a song called, “They’ll Know we are Christians.” Part of it says this:
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord

We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord

And we pray that all unity may one day be restored

And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

They will know we are Christians by our love

It’s so vital to show love to everyone. Hillbillies, ghetto thugs, dirty people, blind people, homosexuals, LOUD people, quiet people, racists, prideful people, everyone! I have found that actions really do speak louder than words in most every circumstance. This is my challenge: “LOVE ALL PEOPLE IN ALL SITUATIONS”

I can't sleep tonight. Well, I guess I could sleep a bit, but I want the EEG to go really well tomorrow so i'm not going to. Ya see, they have to test my brain waves while I sleep tomorrow, and the only way I am going to be able to sleep on command is if I am extremely tired. The only way I will be extremely tired is if I get NO sleep tonight. Wonder what I'll do to pass the time.

A bleak reminder

(Matt's head was split open pretty good, there was so much dried

blood all over his fingers)

Last night my cousin Matt was involved in a horrible car accident. There was drinking involved and possibly a deer. Matt was flown to Fort Wayne very early this morning. He really is lucky to be alive. I am just praying for healing, and that this can some how touch his heart. He has been through so much; I am scared that he won’t get another chance. When it was just me and him in the hospital room for a while, I just prayed over him when he fell asleep for short amounts of time. I looked at his face and it really was a grim reminder of what I left in my past. You never think something like this can happen to you. In a matter of seconds everything can change. I love Matt, and know he is so much better than the person he is being. Pray for Matt and his family.

It's so hard to see someone you care about physically hurt. It is even harder to see them hurt in an emotional and spiritual state. I went back and stayed with matt until about 10:30. His parents left to go home at 7:00 and I kept him company for a while after. My heart hurts for this guy, and wish so badly that this could impact his life in a positive way. My pessimistic thought process just doesn't see it happening.

This morning I went to early church at Pathway with Lauren and her mother. It was a great service. Jam packed too. They had baptism, communion and a short message. Quite impressive!

God is good in all things.

Supremely good day today

Today started slow; seemed plain and didn’t look too promising. It ended up being pretty darn good. Darn good I say. Got up around 11:30 or noon, got some food, and was just lazy on the couch till around 3 probably. Got around and started a verse memorization book/card thing. I think it is formatted to work really good, especially with my brain. Amanda picked me up at 4:45 for church which was SOOO GOOD! I love hearing Dave speak, I don’t know if it is because I have such massive amounts of respect for him, or the message, or the worship time. I really can’t pin point what it is exactly, I just love it and feel like I am suppose to be a part of it. I feel lead to be a part of it. Great feeling by the way. My friend Tom came today too. He is a Young Life staff member and just a really amazing guy. He is 20 years old just like me, but on a completely different level. I am amazed and maybe a little intimidated by his faith and spiritual knowledge. I am so glad he came though.

Lauren was suppose to come to this church service tonight, but couldn’t make it because she was still coming back from Purdue where she got to see ~~Phill Wickham~~ at a coffee house. The guy has mad talent, you should check out his Web Site. So, when I got home I sent her a text message seeing what she was doing. Well, turns out she had a little issue with her foot. It is kind of strange, and she doesn’t really know why, but it became black and blue and swollen and painful. She is even walking with a bit of a limp. She was at Redimed (local care facility) in the waiting room, waiting to be seen by the Doc/RA. Told me she was lonely….I knew I had to get there fast. I sucked up my pride and asked my dad if he would take me. My dad, being the amazing, patient, loving, and sweet guy that he is hopped in the van and took me right over. I was sitting in the waiting room when she exited the back room. Awww, I saw her eyes light up for just a second, and it was good. We went back to her house and had a chance to talk. Really talk. It was so good for me because she is spiritually strong and that is important to her and me. We kind of “click” with each other. I think we did right from the get go. We have many similarities, and differences. Where we are similar we would be able to appreciate that. Where we are different, we would be able to learn from each other. What I am trying to say is I am excited to see where this will go. Did I mention she is drop dead gorgeous? Because she is. I felt a little Getty when she dropped me off at my house. I smiled a lot through the evening, and her eyes are just right there. Enough said.
If I found a Yoga Studio around Fort Wayne that was called Blissful Monkey. I would start taking YoGa.

leader training and FRIENDS

I had such a great day today. I went to the first of several Young Life leader training meetings. It was good to just get the basic guidelines and feel for what the goals of Young Life are. I am excited for next Friday because it should be more discussion time about the book we are reading for it. It's called The Master Plan of Evangelism by Rovert E. Coleman.

In the evening, Dr. Frank Starks and Dr. Raef Eric Biggs. I met them while in China. They were actually in the room right next to mine in China. Eric grew up in Decatur, and it was so nice to have them over. My mom made an awesome dinner, and they guys LOVED

it so much. They really, really love her cooking.

After dinner, we sat around and enjoyed each others company. Good conversation with friends is always fun, we told stories from China and it was a really good time. My sister Merideth came over and they loved meeting her. Glad you made it out MER!

awww come on.

I got my blood taken today for a test I have never had

before. It is called a Flow Cytometry test. It is a pretty

high tech test, and I bet it cost's a bunch of money.

Dr. Lee, why does it have to bee? I had Dr. Heidi Lee today at the Indiana Center for M/S. She was a small Asian woman, and my mom said, “felt kind of familiar didn’t it?” HA! I was just like, yea mom, she was Chinese….. Silly mother. So, they told me that there were several new lesions, and that the new lesions were showing activity. They were not happy to hear about my black out episode. They think the M/S might be causing small strokes. She explained it like this; since I bit my tongue when I passed out, that shows that it was not a heart or oxygen issue. She said that you won’t usually bite your tongue when it has something to do with not enough oxygen getting to your brain. However, if you have a “mini stroke” it is common for the tongue to be bit. On Tuesday, I am scheduled to have an electroencephalogram (EEG). I just hope that they find that my M/S is NOT causing any kind of stroke activity. If they find this is true, they will put me on more medications, and there won't really be any way for me to get out of it.


Dr. Lee, and Dr. Kolar both think that I should try Tysabri. A Monotherapy therapy (once a month I.V. treatment). Tysabri was taken off the “shelves” by the FDA because it had some issues…. For one reason or another, in the middle of 2006, it was reintroduced for treatment in M/S. The warning label reads this LOUD AND CLEAR!


WARNING
TYSABRI® increases the risk of progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy (PML), an opportunistic viral infection of the brain that usually leads to death or severe disability. Although the cases of PML were limited to patients with recent or concomitant exposure to immunomodulators or immunosuppressants, there were too few cases to rule out the possibility that PML may occur with TYSABRI® monotherapy.


In the immortal words of Homer Simpson, "DO'OH!"


~quick Q & A~ Asked and answered by myself.
Q: Are you worried about your current health?
A: No, I really do believe that everything happens for a greater reason. A "divine will" is something I have to accept and feel comfortable in.

Q: How are you feeling on a day to day basis?
A: I feel awesome, any symptoms I may have are very liveable. I have energy, and can't wait to start working again.

Q: Is the way you feel, a good way to judge the current state of your M/S?
A: No, there is all kinds of neurological activity going on in my brain, and possibly spinal cord that I would have never known about.

Q: Do the new lesions give a good idea about the current state of your M/S?
A: No, the new lesions just tell me that the Avonex is not doing it's job. It is now time to try a new method.

Q: Does it suprise you that the Avonex is not doing what it "should" be doing?
A: No, Avonex is an interferon; traditional care therapy for M/S, and I have known that these are not successful in treating my disease, that's why I felt so strongly about giving China a try.

Q: Are you possibly the sexiest man in America?
A: I don't like to flaunt, but yes, I think this is probably true.

In the evening, Amanda and I had out devotion...which lead to be quite interesting. Then, when I was in Amanda's car in my driveway, My friend Sara Haines calls me! WASSUP Missy from the East? We chatted for an hour and a half, and then I passed out on the couch for a bit. MY DAY HAS ENDED.